The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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