ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
