don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
