Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
