i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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