There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
