I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
