Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
