I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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