she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
