I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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