I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
