chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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