I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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