Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
