From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
