I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
