no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
