he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
