I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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