how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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