The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
