I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
