I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
