Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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