she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
