Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
