This girl is more easily done than said...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
