Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
