not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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