Will you blow on my dice?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize