So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
