How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
