She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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