Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
