I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
