I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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