people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
