I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
