Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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