Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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