The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry about my life...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
