The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
