I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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