Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
