But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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