I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
