Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
