he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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