McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
