remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
