so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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