It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
