I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
