While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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