So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
