I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
