i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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