I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
