He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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