Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's shark week go big or go home
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
